UPDATED FEBRUARY 2, 2021 to reflect the 2020 election season.
Readers of Commonplace Fun Facts have already encountered a political candidate who openly declares himself to be insane, a man who couldn’t get elected as president, so he declared himself to be King of the World and a presidential candidate who couldn’t even get the vote of her own running mate. To add to this list of colorful candidates, meet Vermin Supreme, who aspires to high office with promises of ponies, zombies, and dental hygiene.
Vermin Supreme has been a candidate in every US Presidential election since 2004 and has announced his intention to run in the 2020 election, as well. He has also sought office in several local and state elections. It was the 2011 New Hampshire forum for lesser-known presidential candidates, however, that made him into an internet sensation. At this event, he articulated his platform and signature issues, as usual. What was unusual was the moment that he announced and acted upon divine instructions to glitter-bomb fellow Democrat Randall Terry.
Supreme’s political platform consists of some daring government initiatives:
- A free pony for every American. He pledges a job creation program that will address the lack of public transportation and promotes environmental awareness by reducing fossil fuel consumption.
- Mandatory toothbrushing laws. Supreme can frequently be seen carrying a large toothbrush to emphasize his determination to eradicate gingivitis and tooth decay.
- Zombie apocalypse awareness. Rather than fear the inevitable rise of the zombies, Supreme plans to capitalize on them. His energy plan calls for harnessing zombie power by using the latest in hamster-wheel technology.
- Federally funded time travel research. Supreme not only plans for the future, but he wants to fix the past. He has pledged to “go back in time and kill baby Hitler before he’s even born.”
- Monkey tooth fairies. Biomedical science will get a boost under the Supreme Administration. He pledges to genetically engineer a race of winged monkeys to act as tooth fairies
- Population control. Supreme pledges, “If elected, I promise to faithfully execute all Americans.”
If you are concerned about any of these promises, you can take comfort in another of his pledges. As a self-proclaimed “friendly fascist,” Supreme points out that he is a politician who will lie and “promise your electorate heart anything you desire” because he has no reason not to.
Supreme’s appearance, demeanor, and political philosophy may seem like a big joke, but don’t be too quick to write him off. In the 2012 Iowa Democratic caucuses, he received 1.4% of the votes. Four years later he finished in fourth place in the 2016 New Hampshire Democratic Primary. By the time of the 2016 presidential race, he finished in 21st place for the Democratic nomination. Lest you think that is a dismal showing, he gained more votes than 23 other candidates for the nomination,
His political affiliation has changed over the years. In 2008 he ran as a Republican. Four years later he started off as a Democrat, but when he failed to get the nomination, he formed the Free Pony Party. He announced he has chosen fellow fringe opponent Jimmy McMillan as his running mate. Conversely, McMillan stated he was still running for president on his own Rent Is Too Damn High platform, and that Supreme would be McMillan’s running mate.
In 2016 he again sought the Democratic nomination, but he did manage to receive the vote of a single delegate in the first round of presidential nomination voting at the 2016 Libertarian National Convention.
Supreme announced his candidacy for the 2020 presidential election, this time seeking the Libertarian Party’s nomination. Although continuing to use humor (who can tell the difference these days, anyway?), he focused on traditional political issues. His platform included promises to end foreign wars, pardoning non-violent drug offenders, and and reducing incarceration. He did address the most-pressing issue of the day by promising to make COVID-19 illegal. He said he would go back in time and “kill baby COVID.” He promised to create “COVID-19-free zones” because “they work so well for things like guns and drugs.”
Supreme managed to win the New Hampshire Libertarian Presidential Preference Primary on February 11, 2020, followed by coming in first in the Massachusetts primary the next month. Although he did not ultimately receive the party’s nomination, his running make, Spike Cohen, was chosen to be the Libertarian Party’s vice presidential candidate.
Spike Cohen, incidentally, chose the nickname “Spike” because of his fondness for the character of that name in the children’s film My Little Pony. A coincidence that this pony-loving politician became Vermin Supreme’s running mate? We think not.
Categories: Eccentrics, Government, Humor, Politics
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