We’ve all been faced with the dilemma. You have to get from Point A to Point B. It is raining, and of course, you forgot your umbrella. You know you’re going to get wet, but you’d like to minimize the drenching as much as possible. Is it better to run to your destination, reducing the time you are in the rain but smacking into more drops along the way, or should you walk, knowing that you’ll spend more time in the rain, but the drops that hit you will land on your head while keeping the rest of you somewhat dry?

Yes, we know there is a third option. Unless you are the Flash, we assume you figured out while you were still in kindergarten that you can’t dodge between the raindrops and avoid them altogether.

Fortunately, we now know the answer, thanks to Franco Bocci. Bocci is with the Department of Mechanical and Industrial Engineering at Italy’s University of Brescia. Bocci pondered the problem and released his findings in the European Journal of Physics. We have allowed our subscription to the journal to lapse since we can’t seem to find it in graphic novel form. In case you find yourself in the same boat, Bocci’s study, “Whether to Run or Not in the Rain” is accessible here.

A quick perusal of Bocci’s findings reveals the following: 1) Bocci’s article resembles the writings they found inside the crashed UFO at Roswell, and 2) there are a lot more variables to consider than simply deciding whether to run or walk.

One of the biggest variables is the fact that humans tend to come in a massive variety of shapes and sizes. A person’s height-to-breadth ratio plays a significant factor. Additionally, the size of the raindrops and the wind direction are determinative

We assigned our woefully underpaid indentured servant junior intern to wade through the complicated formulae and provide a succinct explanation. In so doing, we also learned that assigning a junior intern to such a task is guaranteed to result in a damp junior intern. Further study is needed to determine whether the dampness is due to tears, vomit, or loss of bladder control.

Before he was admitted for PTSD treatment, our junior intern succeeded in communicating his conclusions. If he understands the article correctly, it is best — generally speaking — to run as fast as you can. Except when you shouldn’t. If you are exceptionally thin, for example, running somewhere between a fast walk and a sprint will probably be better. Unless, of course, the wind is behind you, then you should run at precisely the same speed as the wind.

Our senior editor is prepared to take our junior intern’s word on the matter. All attempts to decipher Bocci’s equations were met with intense migraines. Running or walking, we’re pretty sure we’d rather deal with the next rainstorm without a headache.

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