“All generalizations are false, including this one.” — Mark Twain
All Generalizations Are False
Getting Around to What’s Left to Be Gotten
“When what’s left of you gets around to what’s left to be gotten, what’s left to be gotten won’t be worth getting whatever it is you’ve got left.” — Danny Kaye
Mixed Scottish Feeling About Global Warming
Trust, Decency, and Age Are the Secrets to the Marriage of Burns and Allen
George Burns and Gracie Allen not only had a wildly successful career as a comedy duo but they also enjoyed a happy marriage. When asked about the basis for the trust between […]
Mark Twain On How to Love Enemies And Neighbors
“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.” — Mark Twain
Sowing Wild Oats and Praying For a Crop Failure
“Most of us spend the first 6 days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.” — Fred Allen
Jefferson’s Illiteracy Preference
“The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.” – Thomas Jefferson
Don’t Stop if You Are On the Right Track
“Even though you are on the right track – you will get run over if you just sit there” — Will Rogers
Common Disqualifiers For Holding Public Office
“It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.” — H.L. […]
Jack Paar’s Solution to Bad TV Shows
“I have never seen a bad television program, because I refuse to. God gave me a mind, and a wrist that turns things off.” — Jack Paar
Why Is Television a Medium?
“TV – a clever contraction derived from the words Terrible Vaudeville. However, it is our latest medium – we call it a medium because nothing’s well done.” — Goodman Ace
Human Gullibility — Just Enough to Get By
“You can fool some of the people some of the time — and that’s enough to make a decent living.” — W.C. Fields
Loving Dogs By Knowing Humanity
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” — Charles de Gaulle
Pigs, Politicians, Elections, and Executions
Author Orson Scott Card summed up the shortsightedness of much of the electorate. He said, “If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd every time, no […]
The Danger of Political Jokes
The ultimate test of a comedian’s greatness is the timelessness of his or her humor. Has there ever been a time when Bob Hope’s observation about politics wasn’t true? “I don’t do […]
