Once a Year We Throw Out the Abandoned Article Ideas

Today is the 365th consecutive day that we have published an article on Commonplace Fun Facts. Although we are in our second decade of bringing you interesting nuggets of knowledge, we haven’t always been the most disciplined with our publication schedule. The past year, however, is a testament to tenacity, discipline, caffeine, and an editor-in-chief who thinks he is J. Jonah Jameson.

In honor of going a full year without missing a deadline, we decided to give our writers a bit of a break by taking a few assignments off their shoulders. Specifically, we’ve decided to permanently (or at least until our benevolent editorial overlords have a change of heart) scrap the plans for some of the articles that have been in the “To Write” file.

Today we honor and bring closure to those topics that once seemed promising but, for whatever reason, withered on the vine before our Editor-in-Chief pushed the “publish” button.

Sounds Good, But…

Our first category involves the stories that sounded really good, but didn’t stand up to that annoying requirement of being verifiable. Take, for example….

The Samoan Wife’s Birthday Law

Doesn’t this sound like a great subject for an article: “In Samoa, it is illegal to forget your wife’s birthday. The law requires all husbands to remember their wife’s birthday, or risk being fined”?

The article practically writes itself. We jumped on it and included all kinds of snarky observations about whether the fine or the wife’s indignation was the greater punishment and whether there was the option of accepting imprisonment instead of a fine so you would at least have a place to sleep that night.

We found this fact proclaimed in mainstream media, such as this article in the India Times, and respected Reddit communities. If you search on Google for “Samoa law that punishes husbands for forgetting wife’s birthday,” you’ll get countless results that seem to prove that this is, in fact, a fact.

We gleefully wrote the article and submitted it for publication. That’s when the head of the Commonplace Fun Facts Fact Check Department (lovingly referred to around here as the Vice President In Charge of Sucking the Joy Out of Every Journalistic Endeavor) pushed the pause button. He sent the article back and quoted the immortal words of Socrates: “Don’t believe every stupid thing you see on the internet, you muppet!”

Naturally, we questioned whether the great philosopher actually spoke those words for two obvious reasons: 1) Socrates didn’t speak English (we know this because we have watched Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure at least a dozen times, and 2) Google Translate hadn’t yet been invented. Grudgingly, we acknowledge that he may have said, “Μὴ πίστευε πᾶν ἄφρον πράγμα ὃ ἀναγινώσκεις ἐν τῷ δικτύῳ, ὦ μαριονέττα!” Much more importantly, we think he should have been more concerned about reading the warning labels on hemlock, but we digress…

Among the thousands of stories about the Samoan wife’s birthday law was one that really should have been at the top of the search results. In it, Samoan lawyer Fiona Ey said that there is no such law. It’s just an urban legend — much like the mythical editor-in-chief who was known for his compassion.

Australian Politicians and the Ocean Don’t Mix

The disappearance of Australian Prime Minister Harold Holt while he was swimming almost has enough to warrant an article. It isn’t every day that a nation’s top elected leader disappears, after all. On top of that, there are all kinds of conspiracy theories that he didn’t drown at sea but was actually killed by the CIA, defected to China, abducted by aliens, etc.

The problem is that people have already written about these things, and we needed something fresh to give it that distinctive Commonplace Fun Facts flavor.

Oh, sometimes dreams do come true! We found just the thing while reading the respected scholarly journal At Home on the Throne Bathroom Reader: “In 1975, Australian politician James Howden was swimming in the ocean when he was attacked by a large shark. He suffered fatal injuries and died soon after the attack.”

Perfect! With this additional detail, we had all the ingredients to cook up a savory Commonplace Fun Facts article about the many dangers of Australia and how its waters conspire to target politicians.

When we searched for a photo of the dearly departed Australian politician James Howden, however, it seems that he is just as fictional the legendary and fearsome Australian Drop Bear. We have no idea where At Home on the Throne got ahold of this factoid, but if it’s true, the cover-up is even bigger than the whole conspiracy about whether Australia even exists in the first place.

Subjects That Seemed Interesting At the Time, But Now We’re Not So Sure

Pig 05049

Pig 05049 is a book that details all the products that can be made from a pig. That’s pretty cool, but that about sums it up. We need about 1,000 more words before it is even close to being large enough to submit. If only its title was 3,777 words long like this book, we might be able to do something with it.

Bertrand Paradox

At some point along the way, we made a note about the Bertrand Paradox, thinking it would make a good article. Once we finally got around to it, we can’t for the life of us figure out why we ever thought it was interesting. If you’re curious, you can read about it here. In the meantime, the true paradox that sticks out is that it sat in the “To Write” folder for years before we realized it didn’t belong there.

Pogo Stick

Our notes say that the Pogo stick got its name from the first two letters of each of its two inventors: Max POhlig and Ernst GOttschall. As it turns out, they didn’t actually invent the thing, and in the second place, even if they did, there’s not a lot more to be said than what we just told you.

Suggestions From Loyal Readers

We get a lot of our ideas from our readers, and we really appreciate them. Many — probably most — end up becoming articles or at least pointing us in the direction of something that became an article. Occasionally, however, we run into obstacles, such as:

1. Someone has already dealt with that subject and we can’t do anything to add to it. For example, we get a lot of readers asking, “Why do we park in the driveway and drive on a parkway?” Type that question into Google, and you’ll find your answer. In fact, you’ll find enough answers to keep you occupied until the next time we clean out our folder of potential article topics.
2. The suggestion was based on an incorrect assumption, such as our faithful reader who asked us address the burning question of why Benjamin Franklin never lived in the White House during his presidency. That’s a lot like asking us why we have never written about our exciting adventures as members of the Commonplace Fun Facts K-POP band and its breathtaking world tour.
3. We haven’t got a clue about what the reader is talking about. Case in point: “What’s the deal with colored toilet paper?” Honestly. We’ve got nothing on this one.
4. Answers to reader questions that are too short to generate an article. Case in point: “When they discovered the wreckage of the Titanic, did they find any survivors inside?” Short answer: No. Long answer: Still no, but with a raised eyebrow because we think someone is pulling our leg.

We Return To Our Regularly-Scheduled Demanding Writing Schedule

So there you have it — a tribute to the forgotten, the false, and the flat-out confusing. These are the articles that almost were, the facts that failed the vibe check, and the stories that turned out to be about as substantial as a politician’s campaign promise. We may not have published them, but they still deserve a moment in the limelight, if only so we can all appreciate just how close you came to reading 1,500 words about the etymology of “pogo stick.”

Thanks for sticking with us through 365 straight days of curiosity, chaos, and questionable editorial decisions. Here’s to the next year of deep dives, rabbit holes, and probably at least one article about something that doesn’t exist. Got an idea that’s weird, wonderful, or possibly fabricated? Drop it in the comments — we’re always looking for the next almost-great idea to fact-check into oblivion.

Onward to Day 366. Let the record show: we may occasionally skip a day, but we’ll never retire our love for the odd, obscure, and occasionally outright ridiculous.