If you happen to acquire a time machine, there are many past events you may wish to experience. Odds are that one of those will not be the dinner lecture sponsored by Cornell University’s Parasitology Club on March 4, 2020. It featured Dr. Araceli Lucio-Forster, a lecturer in the Department of Microbiology and Immunology, who lectured during dinner on the undoubtedly-fascinating topic of the principles of veterinary fecal examinations.

According to the website, participants had the opportunity to go straight from dessert to “a practical lab in which students will have the opportunity to perform fecals on their pet’s feces.”

Words fail us.