We have reported on various initiatives to preserve humanity if we should encounter an apocalyptic event. Among these have been the government doomsday shelter hidden in plain sight, the global seed vault, a monument with instructions for rebuilding humanity, and even the IRS’s ambitious plans to collect your taxes after nuclear armageddon.
Admittedly, none of those plans have filled us with undiluted optimism about humanity’s prospects. Our decidedly pessimistic attitude may be changing, however, thanks to far-thinking individuals who prepared a doomsday vault to preserve one of mankind’s greatest achievements: the Oreo cookie.
The need for such drastic measures was borne out of the threat of asteroid 2018VP1. NASA announced there was a slim — 0.41 percent — chance of it striking the earth on November 2 or 3, 2020. Nabisco marketing executives realized this was a golden opportunity to preserve the Oreo experience for future generations while simultaneously promoting it for the current one.
Thus, the Global Oreo Vault was born. Nabisco purchased some property not far from the Svalbard Global Seed Vault. You can find it on the map at coordinates 78° 08′ 58.1″ N, 16° 01′ 59.7″ E. On that site, they created a bunker that would preserve a vital supply of Oreos, as well as the invaluable recipe for making more.
“As an added precaution, the Oreo packs are wrapped in mylar, which can withstand temperatures from -80 degrees to 300 degrees Fahrenheit and is impervious to chemical reactions, moisture and air, keeping the cookies fresh and protected for years to come,” Oreo announced.
As it turns out, asteroid 2018VP1 did not strike the earth — about the only good news for the entirety of 2020. Nevertheless, it was certainly better to be safe than sorry. Besides, you never know when the next extinction level event could occur. Future generations — whether they be humans or some sentient form of cockroach — will be able to enjoy the delight of Oreos and marvel at the ingenuity of a long-forgotten race.
Oh yeah… they will probably also be able to eat any of the Twinkies that have survived, no matter how old they are.
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