OK, we are rapidly approaching the beginning of a new year, so it’s time to create our list of New Year’s resolutions. Probably near the top of the list, we should put, “Survive for the next twelve months so we can make a new list at this time next year.” That being the case, we need to include, “Don’t — and we can’t stress this enough — under any circumstances visit Snake Island.”

Now that we have that task taken care of, perhaps you’d like to know why you, too, might want to copy this item to your list of resolutions. It might help you to also know that even if you wanted to visit this terrestrial version of Hell, you’re not going to be able to. Join us as we take a journey — the intellectual kind and definitely not a literal one — to Brazil’s forbidden serpentine pardise, Snake Island.

Snake Island: The Place for Snake Lovers That No One Can Visit

Brazil is home to some of the most breathtaking destinations on the planet. Places like Iguazu Falls or Lençóis Maranhenses National Park are well worth the visit. It is also home to Ilha da Queimada Grande. In English, that translates as “Island of the Great Burn.” It is much better known by its spine-tingling nickname, “Snake Island.” Located about 90 miles off the São Paulo coast, this place looks like another postcard-perfect paradise—until you take a closer look.

Unsurprisingly, Snake Island gets its name because it has a lot of snakes. That doesn’t quite due justice to the situation, however. Snake Island is home to between 2,000 and 4,000 golden lancehead vipers, arguably some of the deadliest snakes in the world. Almost every Brazilian has heard of this place, and almost every Brazilian knows better than to set foot on it. The venom of these vipers can kill a person in under an hour, and the island is steeped in gruesome local legends that serve as a PSA to keep your distance.

Take, for instance, the tale of a hapless fisherman who allegedly landed on the island in search of bananas. Days later, he was discovered in his boat, lifeless and bloodied, with telltale snake bites marking his body. And let’s not forget the ill-fated lighthouse keeper and his family, who, according to another story, were done in by snakes slithering through their windows. For the record, this isn’t the kind of local folklore where everyone laughs and orders another caipirinha. No one’s in a rush to test these theories.

How Did Snake Island Become Snake Island?

Some say pirates released the snakes on the island to protect buried treasure, but the real story is far less cinematic. Thousands of years ago, rising sea levels turned this island into a snake-only social club, cutting it off from the mainland and forcing the resident jararaca snakes to evolve into a species now known as the golden lancehead.

Here’s the kicker: with no ground-level predators, the snakes bred like, well, snakes. But they also had no ground-level prey. That’s when they took their hunting talents to the trees, targeting migratory birds that stop on the island during their long journeys. Because they can’t exactly chase after flying snacks, the vipers evolved venom that’s three to five times stronger than their mainland cousins’. This stuff is so potent it doesn’t just kill—it can liquefy human flesh.

Not Exactly a Tourist Hotspot

Given the lethal wildlife and the fact that some parts of the island reportedly have a snake for every square meter, it’s no surprise that the Brazilian government has slapped a giant “Do Not Enter” sign on Ilha da Queimada Grande. Even if you’re the type who scoffs at such warnings, visits are only permitted with special approval, and even then, a doctor must accompany the expedition. Just in case.

The only regular visitors are the Brazilian navy, who drop by once a year to check on the now-automated lighthouse, and a few brave biologists. These scientists study the golden lanceheads for both ecological and medical reasons. Turns out, the same venom that makes your skin crawl (or melt, as the case may be) could also save lives. Researchers are exploring its potential in treating heart disease, blood clots, and even cancer. Who knew that “snake oil” might have a scientific renaissance?

Trouble in Paradise

Unfortunately for the golden lanceheads, they’ve got more than curious humans to worry about. Wildlife smugglers, known as biopirates, have been known to steal these snakes and sell them on the black market for a jaw-dropping $10,000 to $30,000 per snake. Couple that with habitat degradation and disease, and the snake population has taken a serious hit, dropping by nearly 50% in the last 15 years.

Today, the golden lancehead is listed as critically endangered on the International Union for Conservation of Nature’s Red List. While that may sound like good news for those of us with ophidiophobia (fear of snakes, for the uninitiated), it’s not exactly a win for biodiversity.

You can learn more about ophidiophobia and other interesting phobias here.

A Deadly Dichotomy

Ilha da Queimada Grande is a place of extremes. It’s both a living nightmare and a biological treasure trove. It’s a cautionary tale and a symbol of nature’s resilience. Most of us will only ever see Snake Island from the safety of a Google search, but for the few scientists who brave its shores, it represents the razor-thin line between life-saving discovery and deadly peril.

So, if you’re ever tempted to visit a dangerous island where you might get attacked by the native creatures, you might try Long Island, New York. Admittedly, New Yorkers are dangerous biters, but you won’t have to deal with your flesh melting away before your eyes.

Of course, the taxes may kill you just as quickly, so we guess you will just have to pick your poison.

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