Ah, the life of a king! The throne… the crown… the power… the bowel movements. Yes, we’re really going to go there, because nothing says “absolute monarchy” like a daily enema.

There’s no one better to illustrate the absolute power of pooping than Louis XIV—France’s Sun King, master of Versailles, and the man who proved that when it comes to ruling a kingdom, it’s all about keeping things… flowing smoothly. Literally.

The Court’s Most Intimate Ritual

While Louis XIV dazzled Europe with his opulent court and divine right to rule, he also maintained a less-publicized but equally rigorous routine: the enema. According to meticulous records kept by his physicians in Le Journal de la Santé du Roi, Louis received approximately 2,000 enemas during his reign. That’s right—2,000. Sometimes up to four a day.

These weren’t your run-of-the-mill medical procedures. The court turned enemas into high art. Aristocrats had their own personalized syringes—Madame de Pompadour’s was ivory, and Cardinal Richelieu’s was silver. The fluids? Often perfumed with rose or orange blossom and delicately tinted. Because if you’re going to cleanse your colon, why not do it with a touch of elegance?

Envy of the Enema

Louis’s commitment to his “internal hygiene” sparked a trend among courtiers. After the king successfully underwent surgery for an anal fistula—a procedure that involved a specially designed curved scalpel and no anesthesia—noblemen lined up to have the same operation, fistula or not. Want to prove your loyalty to the crown? Show off your matching surgical scars.

Even more astonishing, the enema became so fashionable that during a court ball, the Duchess of Bourgogne reportedly had her maid administer one right there, mid-conversation with the king. Talk about multitasking.

From Health to Hilarity

The enema craze didn’t go unnoticed by contemporary satirists. Molière, ever the keen observer of courtly absurdities, lampooned the obsession in his plays. In The Imaginary Invalid, for example, features a physician named Dr. Purgon, whose name, in Latin, means “Purge” or “Cleanse.” He is known for prescribing enemas to his hypochondriac patient.

Artists of the era captured the phenomenon in paintings and even on buttons—yes, buttons—depicting the king receiving his royal treatment. This is an example of high culture, when the king’s butt is the butt of jokes.

A Legacy That Endures

While modern medicine has moved on from the daily enema regimen, Louis XIV’s dedication to his personal health rituals remains a testament to the lengths one might go to maintain royal composure—both metaphorically and, in this case, quite literally.

So, the next time you’re feeling a bit sluggish, remember the Sun King’s motto: when in doubt, flush it out, and leave all your problems behind you.

And if all of the enemas are leaving you a bit sore in the hind quarters, allow us to introduce you to Hippocrates’ horrifying treatment for hemorrhoids. Be forewarned: it is not for the faint of heart.

---