UPDATED: October 26, 2021

Many of us wondered, as children, whether our teachers were from another planet, but how many adults believe the government is run by aliens? As it turns out, it is a pretty sizeable number. A recent report revealed that 12 million Americans believe the country is controlled by shape-shifting lizard people from outer space.

This conspiracy theory holds to the belief that Reptilians — shape-shifting reptile aliens — have infiltrated the highest levels of government and have, effectively, taken over the world. Conspiracy theorists are quick to point out any evidence that supports the claim. When, in 2003, Canadian politician Ernie Eves’ office issued a press release referring to his opponent as “an evil reptilian kitten-eater from another planet,” reptilian theorists rejected the explanation that it was just a joke and claimed it was evidence of what they have known all along.

UnderstandingEvil.com describes how to tell if you’re “under assault” by reptilians; “Protector of Mankind” writes at Alien-UFOs.com that you can be a “reptilian/human hybrid.” According David Icke (who is featured in this Commonplace Fun Facts article), reptilian beings from the constellations Orion, Sirius, and Draco landed on earth thousands of years ago. They began interbreeding with humans through the manipulation of DNA. This is why humans have lizard-like emotional responses.

When one of President Barack Obama’s Secret Service agents was observed to be somewhat unusual in his appearance and behavior, videos such as this one quickly made their way onto the internet. Other videos, such as this one, purport to offer evidence that President George H.W. Bush is a reptilian.

Whole documentaries have been produced to show the conspiracy of the Lizard Illuminati. In fact, there are enough believers out there that they had their own matchmaking site, LizardPeopleMeet.com (now inactive), in which self-professed lizard people can meet other shape-shifters. One such person/reptilian who is looking for companionship is Gul’ac’bor, who says, “I’m 2,352 years old.  I’m a fun loving Lizard Person looking for another fun loving Lizard Person to spend all of eternity with, lamenting the fact that we are immortal and thus can never taste the sweetness of death. My hobbies include cooking, exercising, and kidnapping small human children to collect their tears for seasoning (mm! did I already say cooking??) I’m looking for a Lizard Person who will love me for who I am and not just the politician that I morph into.”

Not content to take over the government, reptilians apparently are also infiltrating Hollywood. A recent video surfaced, in which hundreds of individuals claimed to have seen Justin Bieber transform into a lizard.

To be fair, the Bieber report does not indicate the level of drugs flowing through the brains of the witnesses. Additionally, the reports that “there were girls hiding in toilets, crying” and “guys were running to the exits, jumping in taxis, trying to get out of there,” makes this particular incident indistinguishable from a typical Justin Bieber concert. Even so, the reports are sufficiently disturbing to warrant investigation.

According to the cutting-edge scientific website AlienHub.com, indications of an individual being a reptilian/human (aside from witnessing a transformation), include the following:

1. predominance of green or hazel eyes that change color like a chameleon, but also blue eyes
2. true red or reddish hair
3. low pulse rate
4. low blood pressure
5. keen sight or hearing
6. ESP
7. extra rib or vertabrae
8. UFO connections
9. love of space and science
10. a sense of not belonging to the human race
11. piercing eyes
12. para-normal occurrences
13. psychic dreams
14. truth seekers
15. desire for higher wisdom
16. empathetic illnesses
17. deep compassion for fate of mankind
18. a sense of a ‘mission’ in life
19. physic abilities
20. unexplained scars on body
21. capability to disrupt electrical appliances
22. alien contacts

If you believe you have identified someone as a potential reptilian overlord, we urge extreme caution. Do not approach this individual. Instead, immediately report the sighting to the nearest psychologist who will help you deal with the situation.