The Communist Manifesto is one of the most incendiary works in history, capable of launching revolutions, toppling empires, and triggering a long-running geopolitical hit called the Cold War. But what if we told you that Karl Marx’s burning desire to overthrow capitalism may have had less to do with Hegelian dialectics and more to do with… his armpits?

The Itch That Launched a Thousand Red Flags

Karl Marx, the bearded brainiac behind class struggle chic, was known for many things: economic theory, revolutionary zeal, and being a bit of a freeloader in Friedrich Engels’ guest room. But there’s one biographical tidbit that often gets overlooked: Marx suffered from what he called “boils”—recurring, painful, and grotesquely inconvenient skin eruptions that turned up more often than a manifesto draft deadline.

Modern doctors, poring over his letters like dermatological detectives, have suggested that what Marx was dealing with wasn’t just a case of unfortunate Victorian hygiene. Rather, they believe he had hidradenitis suppurativa (HS), a chronic inflammatory skin disease that causes abscesses and lesions in places no one wants to think about during brunch.

Hidradenitis Suppurativa: The Revolutionary Rash?

HS is not just a bad skin day. It’s a lifelong inflammatory condition that typically affects areas where skin rubs together—like the armpits, groin, and under the breasts. It’s painful. It’s ugly. It smells weird. And it can really mess with your productivity, mental health, and social life. It can also get you flagged by your I.T. Department if you go looking for images of the condition from your work or school computer.

Marx, writing to Friedrich Engels, often described being bedridden, in agony, and unable to write due to these infernal boils. At one point, he referred to his condition as “a carbuncle on my posterior which prevents me from sitting.” Coincidentally, that is remarkably similar to the way we refer to a certain cousin whose presence at family reunions is less than a blessing.

When Your Immune System is Anti-Establishment

So how does this all tie in with the overthrow of global capitalism? Well, HS is no joke when it comes to the psyche. Chronic pain and disfigurement can lead to depression, anxiety, social withdrawal, and a sense of alienation so profound it could make you want to write a 700-page book about alienation.

It’s not hard to imagine that the man who wrote extensively about the dehumanizing effects of industrial capitalism may have had his worldview colored by his own physical suffering. If your body is revolting, in the literal sense, it makes perfect sense to want your society to follow suit.

And let’s not ignore the timing: Marx’s most intense periods of writing coincided with flare-ups. According to Engels, Marx’s most furious fits of productivity came when he was confined to bed, lanced and bandaged like a walking metaphor for the proletariat. Coincidence? Or was it that Marx, immobilized and inflamed, found just the right amount of irritation to put the “manifesto” in “man, I’m festering”?

Down with the Bourgeoisie—and Also This Rash

There’s something poetically Marxist about it all. The man who diagnosed the sickness of society may have done so while society ignored his own literal sickness. His body, like the proletariat, was inflamed. His boils, like the working class, erupted. He was alienated from the means of dermatological production.

Read Dear Abby’s humorous and easy-to-understand explanation of economic theories

To be fair, this theory remains in the realm of speculative historical dermatology, a field only slightly more credible than phrenology or political ethical studies. There’s no autopsy, no biopsy, and no 19th-century German rash selfies to seal the deal. But the clues are tantalizing. And in an era where armchair psychoanalysis is a competitive sport, the theory that Karl Marx’s political fury was fueled by a very angry epidermis deserves at least honorable mention in the footnotes of history.

Final Thoughts From the Anti-Itch Department

So next time you read about dialectical materialism and feel a mild itch of confusion, just remember: maybe Karl Marx wasn’t just mad at the bourgeoisie. Maybe he was just really, really uncomfortable in his own skin.

Workers of the world, unite! (And somebody get this man a soothing ointment.)

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