Is a Weavers Larum What You Need?

Do you have trouble waking up on time? Is your alarm clock non-functional or just not doing the trick anymore? Want to wake up the way your ancestors did? A weaver’s larum may be exactly what you need.

Don’t worry if you don’t have a weaver’s larum; it’s easy to make your own. Here is a simple step-by-step guide for this DIY alarm clock of years gone by.

Step One: Choose Your Heavy Object (Goat Optional)

The weaver’s larum is simple in theory and eyebrow-raising in execution. It all starts with a reasonably heavy object. Because this was olden times when safety was more of a vague suggestion, options included a stone or, anything sufficiently heavy, such as — oh, let’s say a small goat.

Once you’ve selected your weight of choice, tie two pieces of string to it. Feed both strings through a single hook attached to the ceiling. One string gets attached to the wall, pulled taut, so your stone/goat hovers somewhere between the ceiling and the floor.

As for the other string, you want to tie that to one of your fingers. Yes, your finger. Trust us; it will all make sense shortly.

Step Two: Candles, Strings, and Sleeping Like You’re Not on Fire

Now that you’ve got your stone/goat suspended and your finger tied into this whole contraption, it’s time for the pièce de résistance: a candle. What you want is a tall, thin one, which you’ll place quite close to the taut string.

When it’s time to go to bed, instead of setting your alarm clock, you’re going to light the candle. Now it’s time to drift of blissfully into the arms of Morpheus.

As the night progresses, the candle burns lower, eventually reaching the string. When that happens, string catches fire, incinerates, and our small goat comes plummeting to the floor. The causes the string attached to your finger to get a sharp yank, jolting you awake.

Step Three: Rethinking Alarm Clocks (Goats Deserve Better)

And there you have it: the weaver’s larum, a combination of fiery ingenuity and mild peril, designed to ensure that you, your goat, and your finger make it to morning without fear of oversleeping that important appointment.

If that doesn’t work, there’s always the alarm clock that drops a load of stuff on your face. Presumably, it could be a small goat, if you think it will help.

Rube Goldberg would be proud.

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