Comic Books

# This Is Why Teens Generally Don’t Get to Choose Their Names

In 2008 19-year-old George Garratt legally changed his name to “Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined.” He said he wanted to “be unique.”

This does raise the question of just how fast Captain Fantastic is. He mentions six superheroes:

• Superman — Certainly faster than a speeding bullet, Superman can go faster still. In Zack Snyder’s Justice League, he flew from sea level at S.T.A.R. Labs to the outer exosphere in 8 seconds. That would put his speed at 2,795,929 mph (4,499,611 km/hr).
• Spider-Man — His theme song notwithstanding, there’s no evidence that Spider-Man can travel “like a streak of light.” This website calculates his swinging speed at about 32 mph (51.5 km/hr).
• Batman — Batman is not really well known for his speed unless you are talking about him in the Batmobile. If you are, then he can go 350 mph (563.27 km/hr) with afterburner thrust.
• Wolverine — Another character not typically known for speed, but according to this website, Wolverine can achieve the speed of 100 mph (160.9 km/hr) if he needs to.
• Hulk — Hulk is known primarily for his super strength. That strength extends to his legs, giving him the ability to leap great distances. He once lept nearly into space, almost achieving a stable orbit. Objects need to be going about 25,000 mph (40,000 km/hr) to get into orbit, so we’ll say his top speed is just a wee bit south of that.
• Flash — This website declares Flash to be the fastest known being in the universe, capable of seemingly limitless speed, though it is unknown if he is capable of exceeding the speed of light. Let’s assume he cannot. That puts his speed at 670,616,629 mph (1,079,252,848.7999 km/hr).

All of that is to say that if Captain Fantastic is as fast as his name implies, he should be able to kick up dust at a speed of at least 673,438,040 mph (1,083,793,469 km/hr). That would, however, exceed the speed of light, and Albert Einstein would get his knickers in a twist at that thought.

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