Get Your Official Unicorn Hunting License

Unicorn Hunting License

Depending on how you feel about unicorns, you may be blessed or burdened by the knowledge that you can get a license to hunt unicorns.

Finding a unicorn may prove to be a bit of a challenge, but the license is pretty easy to get. Thanks to Michigan’s Lake Superior State University (LSSU), a license to seek after the elusive magical creatures is yours for the asking.

In the 1970s, LSSU formed the Department of Natural Unicorns of the Unicorn Hunters and has issued countless licenses in the years since.

In researching this article, the author found some claims that the hunting license does not permit the killing of unicorns. We respectfully disagree. It is true that the license was changed in 1977 to allow “questing” instead of “hunting.” Be this as it may, consider the following regulations:

  • “In the event that unicorn herds diminish to numbers smaller than five per square dream, a drawing will be held to determine license holders.”
  • Bag limits of one unicorn per month are enforced.
  • Bow-and-arrow season runs the first week of October, with only rubber-tipped arrows permitted. Granted, it may be a wee bit difficult to inflict a lethal wound with such weapons, however, the license mentions no other limitations on any other weapons for the rest of the year.
  • The license itself declares that the holder “has been examined on the regulations of unicorn questing & been deemed to be exceedingly qualified to hunt unicorns, & is, therefore entitled to do so, both on Planet Earth & elsewhere, per specifications, rules, & misinterpretations of the enclosed guidelines.” (emphasis added)

The Commonplace Fun Facts Legal Department issued its official opinion: “Are you serious? Don’t you have better things to worry about?” We interpret that to be legalese for “Let the forests and fields run red with the spilled blood of the noble beasts!”

If, however, your interests are to simply look for unicorns or catch one to domesticate, you would certainly be free to do so.

Speaking of free, that’s how much a lifetime unicorn license costs. Those who are interested may apply for a license by clicking on this link. In addition to following the distressingly vague regulations also agree to send LSSU a color photograph of the license holder, with the option of granting or denying permission to LSSU to use the photograph for publicity.

When not on the hunt/quest for unicorns, members of LSSU’s Unicorn Hunters do other things to contribute to society. They publish, for example, an annual List of Words Banished from the Queen’s English for Misuse, Overuse, and Uselessness. Included in the 2021 list were such entries as “Sus” as an abbreviated form of “suspicious,” and “I know, right?” as a means by which to express empathy with those who have expressed agreement.

If they are successful in removing “I know, right?” from common usage, Commonplace Fun Facts will gladly reward them by paying all fines and costs related to unlicensed hunting/questing of any cryptid creature.

WWTV news report about unicorn hunting.

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